author of Karma On Ice

Archive for June, 2010

All I Need In This World Of Sin…

As I place myself in Pac’s shoes for a minute and think about just the one thing I would need if we were forever constrained in this sinful world. Only one word flashes in my mind: SEXUALITY!  Not for one moment am I saying I would be a slut! Owning your sexuality doesn’t mean selling yourself short for attention or a wet bum. You still need to be smart, charming, and graceful.  However, I am saying know when to turn into the most sensual side of you. Dictionaries have defined sensual as being immoral, irreligious, or lewd. I laughed out loud when I read that. I’m sure it was written by a man. Some men have a problem with a woman in tune with her body, physically and mentally.  But that’s truly where real “grown womanish” sexuality comes from.

Know your powers and accept them readily in your everyday life. That is something that every woman should live by.  Being fully clothed in a modest outfit in a room full of people and demanding attention! Kissing your worried honey lightly but aggressive enough to let him know,” regardless of the outside world he is your everything”! Smile a seductive mischievous grin in order to get through a line, or help at work. Simple stuff!

You would think this day and age everyone knew that. But I still find myself shaking my head at how desperate some women are for attention. Shaking your ass and rubbing your tits to get in a club is what trashes you. Allowing yourself to be defiled by a group of men is pure TRASHASSNESS! No respectable man would even glance your way after that.   The ones who would take up with you would only be there to wreak havoc into your life.

I, for one, have been out the dating loop for years.  Being in a relationship  does not mean hold a funeral service for your sexuality. I still know how to reel in my Him for more than 13 years.  When I met him he was captivated by my three simple necessary tools of survival when dealing with male species: SMILE, BLUSH, AND A PIERCING STARE!  Once I gave him that I followed up with my knowledge of sports and world affairs.  To this day I’m sure  he is unaware that he only gave in to something  because the Goddess in me has willed him. I fully understand now,  at times I need to fall back and be simply just a woman. Does this mean a lifetime of submission? NO! It’s just becoming wiser and more in tune with myself.

I have learned it’s not all about screaming I’M INDEPENDENT!!! It is man’s purpose to protect us. Yes men are here for a reason ladies (other than leaving the damn toilet seat up) and we should all allow some of them the pleasure of keeping us company. A little bit of Aphrodite has never hurt anyone (well maybe a couple of Greek gods or two). That’s right Goddess! YOU control the universe. Your sexuality has no limit!  Please learn the difference between Skanktuality vs Sexuality!


My Word!

All I have in this world is my balls and my word! Ok scratch the “balls” I don’t have those!  But who would want em anyway. They’re wrinkled, sweaty, and don’t serve much purpose ESPECIALLY if they hang lower than Mr. Winky.  Wait, what was I taking about again? My word! Oh yes, my word! I was examining the history of my word when I realized: I AM A TOTAL FLAKE and SUPREME PROCRASTINATOR!!! I’m sure the people close to me already figured this out, but after 30 years being me it just hit me today.  And I’m talking like a swift Ike Turner punch to the face.  I do believe there is nothing worse than a coked out punch from Ike! 

Now before you turn your nose up (like your ass is perfect) let me explain.  I often make plans and I really do intend on attending but I get tired easily.  So I don’t show up, but I do call and let them know I’m not coming.  Usually a string of curse words are thrown my way (living with my father has prepared me for being called morons and ignorant m’fers).  As far as the procrastination goes, I want to do a lot but I don’t have the time.  I been writing a book for about 6 years now.  Granted my attention span is shorter than Webster in ballet flats, but I really want to finish it.  Just have to figure out how to be re-interested.

I wanna say I am going to move these to the top of my list to work on, but I’m sure I will procrastinate in doing that also. Is there some kind of rehab that I can check myself into! I can’t die from flakiness and bull-shittingness (let’s pretend this is a word). I’m real sad about today’s self discovery. BUT HEARETH ME YE: on this day I declareth to NOT flaketh thou friends and Procrastinateth against thou self!!! Wish me luck, Lord knows I have a feeling I am going to flake out on this…….

The $700 Million Dollar Heist

Where do I begin in this tale of the Justice System gone wrong?  How do I even spin the words which will lace this page?  Yeah I tend to be on the dramatic side, but this is a dramatical (let’s pretend this is a word) situation worthy of a few faints.  It would only be right to start in the beginning. 

Once upon a time in the land of the rich, a young multi cultured golfer stumbles across a “beautiful maiden” who was wiping baby bum.  Now it has been discussed greatly (in my circle anyway) that it was no coincidence that they met.   The golfer’s friend (as well as competition in the game of golf) introduce his nanny to the young guy.  After a whirl wind romance the golfer and the nanny gets married.  All seems well with this couple, as the golfer was not a celebrity who graced the covers of the tabloids.  No sir, not his squeaky clean image to be smutted in the public’s eye.  

Fast forward 6 years to the beginning of his nightmare.   Prescription pills, sexual addiction, golf club, smashing of SUV, and TMZ’s newest target.  Life for the golfer couldn’t seem to get any worse.  Until one by one the “other women” begin to speak.  The nightmare continues to get worse.  His pulse quickens and his breathing becomes labored.   Text messages are released, voice mails appear, and Gloria Allpurple (name has been changed so she won’t sue me) has taken an interest in this high-profile nightmare.  The mention of Gloria sends shivers through his internal organs.  Once healthy lungs, liver, and kidneys have now begun to shrivel.  Gloria has been known to bury even the most successful men.   As his palms sweat profusely he has to figure out a way out of this mess. 

He looks for support from his friend, a young basketball player who years before found himself on the brink of losing it all.  The basketball player spills out his secrets for reconciliation over a glass of strawberry daiquiri (ya’ll know he can’t drink anything stronger).

“you must have a press conference, pour out your soul via teleprompter, buy her a ring worth millions, and NEVER and I repeat NEVER take your balls back from her.  For the rest of your life you will remain her bitch.  It works for me and Ranessa (name has been changed just for shyts n giggles).

The golfer ran from that meeting and did just as he had been advised.  To his dismay the “beautiful maiden” slapped his face.  “I have been embarrassed to no end and you come back with this ring.  It is not enough”!  He begs and pleads and decides to check himself into rehab.  For his love of cheap whores was still nagging his heart.   After weeks of rehab and a few visits from the “beautiful maiden” the golfer checks himself out with the hope that all is well.

Little did he know that the “beautiful maiden” had been plotting and planning all along.  Reconciling was not in her plans, she would instead take half of what he had from right underneath him! Her accomplice? The United Skates of Amerykah (their name has also been changed because I don’t want to be on the terrorist list).  The media has sympathized and spun tells of her devastation.  So great and severe that she withered away into a shell of what she use to be, is what the papers said.  She played into the minds of the “good ole boys”.  Let us not remember that naked she came into the world and naked she will go.  Throw away the memories that wiping poo and making sure Lil Timmy eats all his food was her previous profession.  Who even cares that she met him AFTER he had already established himself in the world?  Now we must all bask in the glory of how she pulled off the greatest heist in history.

Breathe Goddess Breathe….

It’s been awhile since I have felt the need to sit down and personally blog.  I have so much going on though, I would be doing the world a disservice if I am not talking about my life (yeah I know sounds ignorant, but it is what it is).  First most of you know me, and if you don’t you will, I will not post every day probably.  Although I love writing it can be a bit tiring at times.  Second, I won’t be as vocal as I have in the past about private matters (lying through my teeth) and lastly I am learning to breathe! Yeah you read right, BREATHE.  Of course I have been breathing for 30 years, but up until recently I haven’t took a breath because I wanted to.  My cousin Jaye been telling me to do this for years.  Sooooooo now I tell myself every morning or whenever I just need to Breathe Goddess Breathe. 

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